i'm not sure if it's the midwintry blues settling down on me, if i'm feeling stressed about job-related stuff, or what, but i have been avoiding just about everything i have going on in my life and also feeling constantly exhausted. my sleeping is erratic and insufficient and that's adding to my general crankiness. it just seems like everything is slipping into disarray and i'm not up to fighting the entropy.
i know what i need to do. first things first, take control of the sleeping issue. when i get good, regular sleep, everything else seems to fall into place. until i do that, i'll just move through my days zombie-like, getting little to nothing done and slipping further under the surface of my responsibilities. i'm applying to (yet another) graduate program for the fall and am going to take a class this semester, so this rein-grabbing is ever important right now. plus, i'm really annoyed at being so crabby all the time. it's not good for me, it's not good for my dogs, it's not good for my kids or friends or coworkers. so my goal for tomorrow is to rectify the sleep issue: no nap, to bed at a decent hour.
a side effect of all this is that my cooking and eating have been pretty minimal, as far as effort goes. at the end of the long weekend that just passed, i managed to throw together some yummy pesto and oven-roast some grape tomatoes, at least. but one of the things about living alone and making a big portion of food is that if you don't freeze or share it, it tends to be what you eat for every meal for days on end. i've been in meetings the past two days, so lunch was provided for me, but my dinners have been the same: corkscrew pasta with pesto & tomatoes. and it looks like that's going to be lunch for the next two days, also. i am thankful, at least, that pasta is up there with potatoes in my food hall of fame and that i adore pesto, but really - i'm already kind of tired of it. another thing i'm tired of is my shitty camera and the lack of natural lighting in my apartment.
what i have REALLY wanted is cassoulet, but it's a little labor-intensive and i've preferred to lie on my bed and listen to mike watt than slave away in the kitchen. the week's almost over, so that might be a weekend cooking endeavor, but i also have to consider that i'm behind on the muffin challenge debya proposed (spicy cranberry apple? something like that) and if i know anything about deb, it's this: come the weekend, she's going to seek out a new vegan muffin variety. and i'll be tasked with producing a recipe for it. so tomorrow: muffins.